"How Can I Tell This Customer To Fuck Off Without Getting Fired" - an anthology by retail workers worldwide
IF YOU KISS MY COLLARBONES OR MY NECK I AM YOURS
Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
SO I GET HOME AND THERE’S THIS RANDOM KID ON MY COUCH AND HE’S LIKE ‘ALRIGHT MAN I DON’T WANNA HURT U JUST PUT UR STUFF DOWN AND GET ON THE GROUND I JUST WANT UR MONEY’ AND I FUCKIN ALMOST PUKED I WAS LIKE “OMG PLS NO I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY I’M ONLY 15” THEN HE WAS LIKE “NAH MAN I’M JUST FUCKIN WITH U I’M UR BROTHER’S FRIEND HE’S IN THE SHOWER I’M JUST WAITIN FOR HIM”
Leo has the worst time coping with = being ignored, feeling like they gave too much for no reason and their self-doubt
A Hellish Situation
She hadn’t wanted to do this in the first place and now she wished she’d stayed home and read a book rather than go to Patti’s slumber party. But of course the Thompson sisters had coerced her into having a sleep over to celebrate their last week of freedom before summer ended and they were sent back to school. Personally Maka didn’t mind it so much, she was good at school. It was stuff like this that she wasn’t the best at, it was always loud and they wanted to know who she found cute or what kind of guys she would date if she ever decided she liked one. Maka had the problem of loving her books more than noticing boys, much to Liz’s constant dismay.
Liz currently was thinking that Maka was sheltered and just needed to go for it with someone, which often lead to her inviting Maka out and somehow not showing up but sending her ‘friend’ (aka a boy) to go with her. Many an awkward lunch had been taken due to Liz’s ‘helpfulness’. Luckily Tsubaki’s love life had managed to deter the attention away from her recently when she’d begun to spend more and more time in the company of a loudmouth boy that her family knew. It was the center of the current girl talk, and gave Maka a slight reprieve to scribble on a notebook; it wasn’t very good but it was at least a book. Patti had confiscated all of hers as soon as she’d walked through the door and hidden them who knew where.
The four girls were in a circle of sleeping bags, pillows, and the ever so important junk food that was a must have at social gatherings; especially the chocolate, there was no party without the heavenly treat. Patti was hanging upside down from her bed with her short hair pulled into stunted pigtails, Liz on the other hand had one ponytail pulled to the side draping over her shoulder and was sprawled out painting her nails a bright pink to go with the new dress she’d gotten for the first day of school. “Really Tsubaki I don’t see how you spend so much time with him and haven’t managed to at least get a kiss. Patti don’t you think she should have at least gotten Black Star to kiss her by now?” The sisters were evil about tag teaming their victims to get information out of them; it was brutal to watch sometimes.
Giggling Patti rolled over onto her stomach and nodded, her smile wide and mischievous as she pulled at the end of one of Tsubaki’s stray hairs from her bun. “Yeah! It’s been two months and all you do is spend time together, it’s weird! But he’s lots of fun at least.” She laughed as Tsubaki’s face turned a bright red, her dark eyes full of wariness at their scrutiny. Patti had somehow gotten to meet this Black Star and the two had cleared out a buffet; much to the constant embarrassment of Tsubaki; as far as Maka knew the three were still banned. “Say sis, if they did kiss do you think that it would be hard since their different heights?” Her childlike features were pulled into thoughtfulness, as if the picture was perplexing, but most likely it was just a ploy to get Tsubaki to confess to any thoughts about having romantic thoughts about the boy.
“Patti that’s not nice to say, I’m sure Tsubaki would love Black Star to kiss her even if he is short.” Liz’s eyes twinkled with a sly grin. Yep, the two were on a roll. Maka munched on a chip shifting her weight so she could readjust to watch them better, it was like a tennis match but with sharks.
Cringing Tsubaki looked over at Maka pleading, they needed a distraction or at least she did. “Can we not talk about this right now? Our families just spend a lot of time together and that’s all.” Liz and Patti looked at her as though they were going to pounce and slowly moved closer. As much as Maka didn’t want to shift the focus onto herself, she couldn’t let poor Tsubaki be eaten alive. There was only one way to divert the imminent attack now. Sighing before throwing a pillow to distract Patti, Maka braced herself since once the pillow struck it would be war, the blonde squealed before jumping into battle position and retaliating. Patti had a mean swing.
Soon all the girls were squealing and hurling fluffed objects at each other, their junk food the only safe zone since you didn’t mess with chocolate.
Sometime in the fray Liz got hit and smeared her nails, Tsubaki’s bun was knocked loose, and Maka got a mouthful of feathers. No one beat Patti, the girl was an evil devil ninja. “I can’t believe you two ruined my nails! They were perfect!” Liz moaned before sighing and helping fix Tsubaki’s hair into a well groomed braid that Maka could never have managed. Maka smirked before flopping back onto her sleeping bag, she gave a huff that the feathers puffed out of her mouth.
“You were getting boring, we needed a change of pace.” Maka giggled, she was currently focused on swiping all of the M&M’s out of the trail mix, only Tsubaki seemed to have noticed but she wasn’t saying anything. “We’ve read all these magazines at least six times, I think I now know how to mix my summer wardrobe and kiss a man.” They all laughed and Maka shrugged before she popped a few M&M’s into her mouth and delighted in the sweetness.
“Oh?” The poke in her ribs made her squirm and glare at Patti who had a triumphant smirk in place, her pigtails were still perfectly in place. “How about we do a demon summoning huh? It can answer all of our questions and maybe do a hex to get Maka a real boyfriend instead of a book!” There was a challenge here, Maka could tell, and it wasn’t really in her to back down.
Pouting Maka stared up at her not really caring to move from her very comfy spot. “Like you could even figure out how.” It was something she really have not have said, she should have backed out right then and there. However that isn’t what happened.
After some shady internet searches and a scavenger hunt around the house for the ‘common’ items that were somehow easy for the ‘demon summoning made easy’ that Patti and Liz had somehow scrounged up, they had also called the resident ‘witch’ Kim Dahl who was more than happy to agree provided they gave her a handsome reward; it was almost midnight but everything was set up. Kim was setting everything up while Liz was having some doubts about if it was a good idea, after all the horror movies with these things never ended well. Where as Patti was humming to herself enjoying the idea of freaking out her sister just for the glee.
On the supernatural the two were as different as night and day. “And you’re sure this is going to be safe?” Liz asked for the millionth time.
Giving an annoyed huff Kim glared at her. “Yes, everything is perfect, now we just need a sacrifice. Preferably virgin blood.” Her eyes turned on to Maka and she glowered back at the witch, it was just teasing but Maka was a bit hard headed when it came to being challenged, it was a fatal flaw unfortunately.
“I’ll do it no problem! I’m not scared at all.” She held out her finger in defiance and Kim chuckled with sadistic amusement.
“Not yet, we have a few things to do first.” First the lights, lighting candles and making sure that every other light was off, Kim seemed very adept at handling everything, eerily nimble in the shadow. And so the setup went, with a strange symbol and some candles, with some crushed up powder and chanting; they sat down in a circle and Kim held out her hand for Maka’s finger. So Maka did it, she let them prick her and the blood drop into the bowl. And then it happened.
Smoke swirled from the candles and the blood bubbled up from the cup, flames grew brighter till Maka’s eyes watered and she thought she was going to go blind, a loud yawn crackled through the air somehow drowning out the screams of terror. What on earth was happening? This was supposed to be a joke! Some lame sleep over fun like a trust fall. Instead the lamp flickered on and there was a rumble, Liz almost in tears and Tsubaki was paler than a ghost, her black hair blending in with the shadows, and Kim sat in a speechless gape. “What the hell was that?” Maka whispered.
A throaty chuckle made her jump and turn to look at the bed where a white haired boy sat; that would have been freaky enough if not for the small red horns on his head that happened to match his crimson eyes, along with shark-like pointed teeth. Behind him large wings were folded, they didn’t look like skin, more metallic of red and black that reflected the candle light. Luckily Maka didn’t see a tail, but with the dim lighting it was hard to tell. “Well hell is semi close I suppose, but to the next matter of business may I ask why you summoned me?” His voice wasn’t terrifying to match his appearance, however it wasn’t super comfortable either, more raw and real than she was used to.
“DEMON!” Liz shrieked and the demon threw his hands over his ears and snarled. “PATTI DON’T WORRY YOUR BIG SISTER IS HERE!” However it seemed as though Liz was clinging to Patti in terror more than protectively, her arms and legs thrown over her younger sibling haphazardly like a monkey struggling to stay off the ground.
The demon growled through his teeth and apparently had had enough of the shrieks as he yelled back. “COULD THE BIG SISTER STOP TRYING TO MAKE MY EARS BLEED?!” It was enough that Liz fell into shock, or maybe it was a coma, she just kinda stared blankly at the ceiling in terror, tears still half in her eyes. Giving a snort he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at all of them as if this was the most dreadful thing that he’d been subjected to. Which being a demon seemed highly unlikely. He looked to be a teen and despite the initial horror at seeing a demon Maka was abashed to notice that he was actually really good looking. “Now about this summoning me while I was sleeping business. What the fuck?! Ever heard of daytime ladies?” That seemed to shake a bit of the shock off of everyone and Kim was finally able to close her mouth.
“Um, Mr. Demon…” Tsubaki asked shyly and he turned to look at her with those dark eyes, Maka noticed that they were a few different shades of red even in the lamplight. A snowy brow raised in expectation as he waited for her, it was strangely polite all things considered. “We really didn’t know that it was a serious thing, it was just supposed to be a joke.”
At that he slapped his hands to his face and groaned. “You can’t be serious. I got pulled out of my comfortable bed for you to play a ‘joke’?! And for your information Demon is not a name, it’s a breed, my name happens to be Soul Eater.” There was a moment of silence, maybe of fear that this demon, this Soul Eater would snap and slaughter them all; and then Patti started laughing and that pin that had held them on edge was gone.
Soul Eater looked at Patti as if he was debating her sanity as she broke out into hysterics, only instead of quelling the giggling it seemed to spread, first to Maka, then Kim, and Tsubaki. Liz, unfortunately, was still too stunned to do much laughing. “Soul Eater?! For real? Is that the best you can do Mr. Demon? Who named you?” Patti was laughing so hard that tears fell and she clutched her sides as she rolled on the pillows. Luckily she was avoiding the lit candles.
Glaring, Soul Eater did not seem to appreciate their opinion of his name, his hand trailing through his messy hair and avoiding the horns. “So, Soul Eater, we summoned you as a joke but it seems that since it worked you owe us a favor. Right?” Kim said, though her lips were still fighting a smile as if she was trying to suppress the laughter; Maka had no doubt that if Kim got a wish there would be cash involved somehow. The demon folded his legs so that he was sitting Indian style on Patti’s very bright comforter, arms mimicking them; Maka could only describe his face as expectant, but there was more to it, it was almost amused.
“You’ve got a few stipulations but generally yes, I do grant one favor if someone manages to drag me out of bed. It’s a rule that I don’t particularly like.” Even talking about it he was annoyed, a twitch in his eye as he told them about it.
“I want money!” Kim nearly lept into the circle, her eyes full of greedy glee.
“Done.” He snapped his fingers and grinned.
“That’s not fair!” Patti growled, her eyes looking around for the money. “We all summoned him so we should all get one!”
Kim shrugged but looked nervous as she glanced around for that cash. “You called me for my help and I’ll consider this my fee.” It didn’t appease Patti and the two began to argue, mostly about spending wishes and how it wasn’t unfair.
Maka was more concerned with the loopholes that Soul Eater would most likely use since she’d never read a book where a demon hadn’t played their summoner. “What’s the catch?” Maka asked, it was enough to surprise him, his head swiveling to stare directly into her eyes. It was almost unnerving. What made it worse was that the room lights switched on leaving them all in full light, he was in black pants but was still shirtless, which was somewhat distracting from her question if she was being honest.
“Well that’s not cool.” However when he spoke there was a grin. “The ‘catch’ is that she never said, when, where, or even how much.” But as he spoke a stack of hundreds fell at Kim’s feet, Maka wasn’t sure if he was feeling generous or if he was just amused that someone had called him on the game. She imagined that was a new things for demons. Kim’s eyes were wide but seeing the group she only took half, which even still was a generous portion of cash for everyone.
It took a few minutes but everyone divided it up and Maka was amazed to have one thousand dollars in hundreds, it was very strange but almost a giddy feeling. She could afford so many books for her collection! The mini library would be wonderful! True, she’d need a few more bookshelves and she’d probably have to space out the purchases so she wouldn’t make her dad suspicious.
“What are you still doing here?” That snapped her out of her daydream and she saw that Soul Eater was sprawled out on his side with a bored look on his face and a bit of drool dropping from his bottom lip. His head was propped up on his hand and when Kim asked the question his eyes lit up with life.
The yawn that had signaled his arrival was now repeated, only this time the room didn’t freak out and the candles remained in a slight flicker. Liz was huddled to a pillow though, her knuckles white, she hadn’t really been able to say much other than about ghosts and hating the supernatural. Luckily Tsubaki seemed to be doing her best to comfort her; she was very surprised to note that Tsubaki was not freaking out. “Did you even read about the summoning you were doing?” He gave a dull stare at all of them.
Frowning Maka tried to remember which article they’d been using, there had been a few promising ones but she thought they’d settled on the one where the demon was supposed to grant favors to each summoner. The gifts lasted a year, with nothing bad to happen such as being robbed if you wished for money. (How lucky for them.) “Your gifts last a year, right?”
Soul Eater sighed, his free hand doing a face palm. Maka hadn’t known that demons knew that one, or maybe it was a universal gesture. “People really need to learn to read things when it comes to universal law. No angel, that is not what the fine print says. When you do that spell, you can get a different variety of demons from a certain level on the chain, as it happens I was the oh so lucky one this time.” There was definite sarcasm at the last part. “I am from the protective level, meaning yes, I do have to grant one favor to the summoner. But I am bound on a contract to the sacrifice for one year as a protector.” At that everyone turned to look at her and Maka looked at the small red dot on her finger from where she’d let them goad her into letting herself be the sacrifice.
She’d been bound to a demon, she’d messed up.
so one time i gave my sister sleepytime tea mixed with Benadryl and melatonin and then she slept for 19 hours and thats why my family doesn’t trust me
Never discredit your gut instinct. You’re not being paranoid. Your body can pick up vibrations, some better than others, and if something deep inside you says something’s not right about a person or situation, trust it and keep it pushing.
Ok so earthbenders can metal bend, waterbenders can blood bend, and firebenders can lighting bend. What special thing can an airbender do?
if you can’t laugh during sex, you might not be doing it with the right person
I also found this $5 toothless figurine at target and it was already pretty cute but I went “how can I make this even cuter”
here’s what the original toothless figurine looked like, pre-painting (I forgot to take before pics so here’s a picture of it from amazon). I also filled in some gaps in his tail with epoxy putty and sanded his edges a little.